You're Embarrassing Yourself

June 17, 2024
Actor and filmmaker Akhavan reflects on her heritage, her romantic disappointments, and her 1990s coming-of-age in this funny and incisive debut memoir-in-essays. The daughter of Iranian immigrants who sent Akhavan and her siblings to one of New York City’s most exclusive private schools, Akhavan knew early on she was a “different species” from her peers. At 14, her classmates nicknamed her the Beast and included her on a list of the school’s “ugliest girls,” a designation that haunted her into adulthood (“I was the Beast for so long that even once I crawled my way to something different, I couldn’t decide what I’d become without looking to strangers for answers”). The essays on Akhavan’s failed relationships have their charms—especially the one about her first heartbreak at a women’s college in Massachusetts, which brilliantly balances humor and pathos—but she’s at her most heartrending when she looks elsewhere, writing about her quest to feel at home in an immigrant community that struggles to accept her queerness, or cataloging how her best friend’s motherhood impinges upon their relationship. By the moving final entry, in which Akhavan surprises herself by realizing that she, too, wants to become a mother, she’s charted an endearingly crooked path to maturity. This is a winner. Agent: Kim Witherspoon, InkWell Management.

June 15, 2024
A Sundance-winning filmmaker reveals how her "most cringe-inducing moments" have been integral in shaping her life. The New York City-born daughter of Iranian immigrants, Akhavan always felt like a "different species." Her insecurities became even more pronounced during adolescence when classmates posted a picture of her on a joke website and labeled it "the Beast." Later, the author would reclaim the differences that set her apart from "skinny symmetrical white girls" (broad shoulders, Middle Eastern background, queerness) on a journey to adulthood that was both darkly comic and sometimes self-destructive. In college, Akhavan began cutting, and soon after, she underwent cosmetic surgery. "I don't think my nose job actually had that much to do with my nose," she writes. "I was reeling from my first broken heart and my parents wanted to support me, but since my heart had been broken by a girl, we had to pretend it wasn't happening." In 2005, Akhavan met Cecilia. Their professional collaboration helped the author find success as an independent filmmaker, while their friendship survived the "desperate need for validation" that she had battled for years. When Cecilia had a baby, Akhavan realized, "the truth that was too embarrassing to say out loud was that I'd never have considered making a decision without her, from what outfit to wear to what partner to choose, while she hadn't taken me into account when making the biggest deci-sion of her life." Musing on the maturity that brought with it a desire for both children and "proximity to my heritage," she notes, sagely, "you're going to keep making a fool of yourself, because that's what it is to be alive." As she depicts her struggle to come to terms with a complex identity, Akhavan also celebrates the hard-won privilege of self-acceptance. A readably funny and candid memoir.

COPYRIGHT(2024) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

August 1, 2024
Best known for her work on The Miseducation of Cameron Post, which won the Grand Jury Prize at the 2018 Sundance Film Festival, and the 2014 indie cult hit Appropriate Behavior, filmmaker Desiree Akhavan delivers sharply humorous tales in her new memoir about what it means to be a woman on the rise. In essays such as "A Cokehead I Met in a Support Group for Cutters," Akhavan deftly navigates her personal struggles with mental health and toxic relationships with a keen levity for the subject matter. What especially shines in this collection are her meditations on queer identity and growing up Iranian American, as seen in "Being the Homophobia" and "Homesick," and the ways that her intersecting identities have influenced the stories she chooses to tell onscreen. Equal parts a growing-up survival guide and a confessional about never having grown up at all, this title is sure to captivate readers looking for a fresh and authentic voice in auteur cinema.

COPYRIGHT(2024) Booklist, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.