What No One Tells You

March 4, 2019
Two reproductive psychiatrists address new and expectant mothers in their well-intentioned but misdirected debut. Sacks and Birndorf’s primary concerns are to insist that pregnancy and motherhood do not necessarily mean “ultimate happiness,” and to validate the less-than-blissful feelings and experiences common in the period. When they offer advice, though, it is often directive on topics outside the scope of emotional health, such as a push toward a “fed is best” philosophy on the question of whether to use breast milk or formula. They can also come across as patronizing, as when they issue a boldface reminder to do baby-related budgeting by the third trimester “if you haven’t already.” Though the book’s basic organizing principle—by trimesters, labor and delivery, early parenting, and the first year—makes sense, the finer points of its organization are confusing, with some topics randomly relegated to FAQs at chapter ends, even when accorded pages of discussion. But most problematically, though the authors perform a needed task in absolving their readers of feeling guilt over difficult emotions, they also insist on their own expertise and neglect introspection in favor of practical fixes, in ways that could feel disempowering and alienating to mothers. Agent: David Kuhn, Aevitas.